#  >  > General Forum >  >  > Main Forum >  >  > General Discussion >  >  Who knows the best way to reject something?

## Shana

I'm a compulsive-pleaser and I'm bad at saying 'no' to anything. If someone asks a help from me, I say yes, even though I know they don't deserve it. If anyone asks me to finish some thing, I say Yes, even though I'm already stretching myself thin.If someone gives me an extra responsibility, I say Yes, though I know I could use some rest.
Actually, I tried saying No to some people at some instances, and I ended up regretting it later. It makes me feel guilty for rejecting some one's preposition. I feel responsible for what they'd feel after I say No.
This is a manufacturing fault I have, and I don't know how to recover from this without making enemies of people around me.

Any suggestions I could use to smoothly say no or reject something while not hurting their feelings?

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## Bhavya

> I'm a compulsive-pleaser and I'm bad at saying 'no' to anything. If someone asks a help from me, I say yes, even though I know they don't deserve it. If anyone asks me to finish some thing, I say Yes, even though I'm already stretching myself thin.If someone gives me an extra responsibility, I say Yes, though I know I could use some rest.
> Actually, I tried saying No to some people at some instances, and I ended up regretting it later. It makes me feel guilty for rejecting some one's preposition. I feel responsible for what they'd feel after I say No.
> This is a manufacturing fault I have, and I don't know how to recover from this without making enemies of people around me.
> 
> Any suggestions I could use to smoothly say no or reject something while not hurting their feelings?




I have the same manufacturing defect :Frown: , Hope we both get some solutions from here :Cool:

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## Shana

> I have the same manufacturing defect, Hope we both get some solutions from here


Well, thank god I'm not the only one around here! :lol:

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## Ritika

Take it positively. You have best quality of human being. and you manufacture to be kind and help others. People take advantage of others, that's where we live. Sometimes making enemies would be fun. if you are tired of doing it then make some good enemies to keep you going.

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## Ritika

Maybe, try to explain your situation to them.

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## Karikaalan

> Well, thank god I'm not the only one around here!


Don't think you both are the ones . There are many others including me.. but I have improved a lot in this one year. As I took some big responsibilities(big as millions) in my shoulder for this one year, I was just forced to say No . Everytime I used to explain my situation. Now I am little used to say no . I learnt another important thing that when I say yes and do something they will always come back to us another time. Still its a hard task to say NO

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## Assassin

> I'm a compulsive-pleaser and I'm bad at saying 'no' to anything. If someone asks a help from me, I say yes, even though I know they don't deserve it. If anyone asks me to finish some thing, I say Yes, even though I'm already stretching myself thin.If someone gives me an extra responsibility, I say Yes, though I know I could use some rest.
> Actually, I tried saying No to some people at some instances, and I ended up regretting it later. It makes me feel guilty for rejecting some one's preposition. I feel responsible for what they'd feel after I say No.
> This is a manufacturing fault I have, and I don't know how to recover from this without making enemies of people around me.
> 
> Any suggestions I could use to smoothly say no or reject something while not hurting their feelings?


It's general thing for the people I think. Because I have this kind of feel as well, but I never say "No" to anyone. Instead of saying "No" better you can say "Yes, But it takes too long do" or give them an alternative solution to do somehow in another way. Even though I feel guilty sometimes the solutions I suggested not work out well by unexpected factors. Simply God decides those I think.

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## Shan

Always pain accompany with rejection.If we have faced it already ,then never wish to give such hard feelings to anyone.

In case if we are in a compelled situation to reject for someones betterment then we must look in to certain things before doing so.It is not a simple task.It needs a strong heart and polite ,kind words else it ends with miss understanding.The right way is to empathize their situation and react based on that.Saying directly to the person without hurting is welcomed but sometimes rejecting through friends or colleague reduces the awkwardness.

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## Shana

> Take it positively. You have best quality of human being. and you manufacture to be kind and help others. People take advantage of others, that's where we live. Sometimes making enemies would be fun. if you are tired of doing it then make some good enemies to keep you going.


LOL...Making enemies is not fun for me actually. I like to be liked by most. I don't like to have a back-stabber around me as my enemy and I love having friends even though they take advantage of me. That's my problem.

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## Shana

> Don't think you both are the ones . There are many others including me.. but I have improved a lot in this one year. As I took some big responsibilities(big as millions) in my shoulder for this one year, I was just forced to say No . Everytime I used to explain my situation. Now I am little used to say no . I learnt another important thing that when I say yes and do something they will always come back to us another time. Still its a hard task to say NO


Wow...How do you do it? Whenever I say no, they're like "You did this for them, why can't you do it for us?" and they make me feel like a traitor for getting off some work off me. How do you handle these dramas?
And I have a compulsive behaviour to say yes. I don't like people getting disappointed by me even for a second and that puts a hell load of a burden on my shoulders.
And I don't like saying No, without trying it even once. Any solutions?

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## Shana

> It's general thing for the people I think. Because I have this kind of feel as well, but I never say "No" to anyone. Instead of saying "No" better you can say "Yes, But it takes too long do" or give them an alternative solution to do somehow in another way. Even though I feel guilty sometimes the solutions I suggested not work out well by unexpected factors. Simply God decides those I think.


Guilty feeling...That is the origin of every headache I have.

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## Shana

> Always pain accompany with rejection.If we have faced it already ,then never wish to give such hard feelings to anyone.
> 
> In case if we are in a compelled situation to reject for someones betterment then we must look in to certain things before doing so.It is not a simple task.It needs a strong heart and polite ,kind words else it ends with miss understanding.The right way is to empathize their situation and react based on that. Saying directly to the person without hurting is welcomed but sometimes rejecting through friends or colleague reduces the awkwardness.


Rejecting through a friend makes me feel like a coward. That's another problem. I usually try it with mu utmost kindest words, but they take it as a form of weakness and try to overpower me with words.

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## Karikaalan

> Wow...How do you do it? Whenever I say no, they're like "You did this for them, why can't you do it for us?" and they make me feel like a traitor for getting off some work off me. How do you handle these dramas?
> And I have a compulsive behaviour to say yes. I don't like people getting disappointed by me even for a second and that puts a hell load of a burden on my shoulders.
> And I don't like saying No, without trying it even once. Any solutions?


What do they do at the same time we do their work? It's their work. We have a long way to travel in life. We have our own work and they have their own work. 
"You did this for them, why can't you do it for us?" This looks like an emotional blackmail. I dont have such friends who emotionally blackmail me. That's why I think it's easy for me.

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## Neo

> I'm a compulsive-pleaser and I'm bad at saying 'no' to anything. If someone asks a help from me, I say yes, even though I know they don't deserve it. If anyone asks me to finish some thing, I say Yes, even though I'm already stretching myself thin.If someone gives me an extra responsibility, I say Yes, though I know I could use some rest.
> Actually, I tried saying No to some people at some instances, and I ended up regretting it later. It makes me feel guilty for rejecting some one's preposition. I feel responsible for what they'd feel after I say No.
> This is a manufacturing fault I have, and I don't know how to recover from this without making enemies of people around me.
> 
> Any suggestions I could use to smoothly say no or reject something while not hurting their feelings?


the ability to say "No" is one of the important quality of a leader. I consider everyone as leaders, as you are the leader of your own life. I have experienced the same issue in many instances. but later I realized that it is important to prioritize what is more important and critical. this applies everywhere in your life. Again it is your responsibility to identify what is important and critical. when others ask for support or help you can simply state that "I will check and let you know" or other similar terms and then you can kindly apologize and state that you are unable support at the moment. Most of the time this worked out.

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## Bhavya

> I consider everyone as leaders, as you are the leader of your own life. I have experienced the same issue in many instances. but later I realized that it is important to prioritize what is more important and critical. this applies everywhere in your life. Again it is your responsibility to identify what is important and critical. when others ask for support or help you can simply state that "I will check and let you know" or other similar terms and then you can kindly apologize and state that you are unable support at the moment. Most of the time this worked out.


It's really helpful , Thanks for sharing this idea here Neo




> the ability to say "No" is one of the important quality of a leader.


Totally agree with it.

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## Shana

> What do they do at the same time we do their work? It's their work. We have a long way to travel in life. We have our own work and they have their own work. 
> "You did this for them, why can't you do it for us?" This looks like an emotional blackmail. I dont have such friends who emotionally blackmail me. That's why I think it's easy for me.


Totally get your point!

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## Shana

> the ability to say "No" is one of the important quality of a leader. I consider everyone as leaders, as you are the leader of your own life. I have experienced the same issue in many instances. but later I realized that it is important to prioritize what is more important and critical. this applies everywhere in your life. Again it is your responsibility to identify what is important and critical. when others ask for support or help you can simply state that "I will check and let you know" or other similar terms and then you can kindly apologize and state that you are unable support at the moment. Most of the time this worked out.


True words! Sounds useful!

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## Dhiya

I have the same defect. I don't expect their help to me again. Some peoples just talk to us nicely to get some help from us. If we did that, then they forgot that and started to insult u. I am really hate that minded people. Did anyone feel like me?

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## Assassin

> Guilty feeling...That is the origin of every headache I have.


Haha, It's necessary. That feel keep you so much active and let you think about various solutions. So don't worry.

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## Adiza

> I'm a compulsive-pleaser and I'm bad at saying 'no' to anything. If someone asks a help from me, I say yes, even though I know they don't deserve it. If anyone asks me to finish some thing, I say Yes, even though I'm already stretching myself thin.If someone gives me an extra responsibility, I say Yes, though I know I could use some rest.
> Actually, I tried saying No to some people at some instances, and I ended up regretting it later. It makes me feel guilty for rejecting some one's preposition. I feel responsible for what they'd feel after I say No.
> This is a manufacturing fault I have, and I don't know how to recover from this without making enemies of people around me.
> Any suggestions I could use to smoothly say no or reject something while not hurting their feelings?


Don't worry about this manufacturing defect. Earlier I had the same problem. I said 'yes' not to hurt them. But I experienced a lot from others. I felt 'used', when someone get help from me, but leave me when my time comes. Don't regret for this quality, but just be careful for whom you are doing?

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## Bhavya

> Take it positively. You have best quality of human being. and you manufacture to be kind and help others. People take advantage of others, that's where we live. Sometimes making enemies would be fun. if you are tired of doing it then make some good enemies to keep you going.


True Ritika, selfless giving is the best satisfying feeling you can feel ever. And you are right not everyone can be kind-heart person.When started to give without expectation then we won't affected by others wrong behaviors.

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## Bhavya

> Don't think you both are the ones . There are many others including me.. but I have improved a lot in this one year. As I took some big responsibilities(big as millions) in my shoulder for this one year, I was just forced to say No . Everytime I used to explain my situation. Now I am little used to say no . I learnt another important thing that when I say yes and do something they will always come back to us another time. Still its a hard task to say NO


So we have lots of members in this group  :Wink:  , And you are right when we say yes they will come back to us again and again. Nowadays I also learn to say no but yet need lots of improvements. Because after saying no I feel terrible I think with time I will get use to it.

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## Bhavya

> It's general thing for the people I think. Because I have this kind of feel as well, but I never say "No" to anyone. Instead of saying "No" better you can say "Yes, But it takes too long do" or give them an alternative solution to do somehow in another way. Even though I feel guilty sometimes the solutions I suggested not work out well by unexpected factors. Simply God decides those I think.


Yes Assassin, it's not work all the time as we planned, Sometimes we have to do unexpected thinks.As you said it's all in the god hands. As he decide when and where we need to connect with someone for purpose.

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## Bhavya

> Always pain accompany with rejection.If we have faced it already ,then never wish to give such hard feelings to anyone.
> 
> In case if we are in a compelled situation to reject for someones betterment then we must look in to certain things before doing so.It is not a simple task.It needs a strong heart and polite ,kind words else it ends with miss understanding.The right way is to empathize their situation and react based on that.Saying directly to the person without hurting is welcomed but sometimes rejecting through friends or colleague reduces the awkwardness.


True Shan this is the exact case with me, I usually didn't get any support ,motivation,love, care or understanding for myself when I need them the most.So whenever someone expect support ,motivation,love, care or understanding from me I always give those things to them because i know the terrible feeling when you don't receive them.But still I am alone when I need support ,motivation,love, care or understanding. I think god listed me in the giving group not in the receiving group.

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## Bhavya

> I have the same defect. I don't expect their help to me again. Some peoples just talk to us nicely to get some help from us. If we did that, then they forgot that and started to insult u. I am really hate that minded people. Did anyone feel like me?


Dhiya, earlier I also get hurt when people forget my help and bad mouth me. But later I understand it's their character and it's nothing to do with me. their words and actions define them not me. So I stop worrying about those people and started to live my life the way I want to live  :Smile:

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